Note to the "Sperm Donor"

[note: I just had to get it out.]

Have I told you....

how much I hate you?
how much you make me cry?
how bad the memories get
to make me want to die?
how much pain you caused?
how you made MY family suffer?
how everything I look at reminds
me of that place, and sends me
into an increased state of panic?
how people are still in contact with you
and you think you did nothing wrong?

Well, I hate you.

I hate how you're breathing,
recreating, walking, alive.

I wish the worst upon you.

Oh! Let my imagination run wild!
Oh the tortures...
the agony...
the sweet tears of pain.

How stupid I was to try to kill myself..because of you.


I'm Angry Because:::::
* You didn't stand up to your parents (them being in the driveway at 6 in the fucking AM waiting for us to wake up and preventing us from spending time with Grandma and Grandpa Deur...& when you mother tried to strangle my mom).
* That you touched my Grandpa Deur's casket. You had no right and you weren't worthy of touching/being near it.
* That I'm fucked up due to the past.
* My childhood sucked.
* I thought that killing myself was a better solution than dealing with the abuse(2003)..and the memories (8/25/08).
* My communication skills suck because of you.
* I can't function in society without my medication.
* I live in fear because of you.
* I cry/cower in fear when people yell (angrily)
* I have a fear of leaving the house because of you.