Um..where to start...?I've been in therapy off and on for many years now.
My botched attempt at suicide (many times),
my cutting habit, depression, etc.
All because of one person.
He was abusive, mentally and physically.
No one could talk about it, so I found
other ways to express myself.
I surrounded myself in seclusion and music.
I still do that sometimes. I just don't
have that urge to engage in human contact.
Anyways, all the abuse and my grandfather's
death just spiraled. I really miss Grandpa Deur.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming my Grandpa.
I just didn't want him to die. Who doesn't?
Hopeless and confused I turned to cutting. The pain was like a rush of adrenaline and ecstasy.
I'd have to cut more to get those feelings
because I got so used to the pain.
I needed to go bigger; deeper.
I couldn't take it anymore,
and I tried to kill myself.
Well, obviously that didn't work.
I'm pretty an open book when it
comes to about what happened.
I don't hide anything anymore.
Some people know. And I don't care.
I'm getting the message out there.
I'm lifting a weight off my shoulders.
Well, good thing is I'm not suicidal anymore.
I'm not as depressed as I was.
All thanks to Lamictal and Celexa.
So..yay.
3 comments:
You have come along so far Tash. I am greatful everyday that I have you here. That was one of the scarest times of my life. Knowing that there wasn't anything that I could do to help.
I'm thankful for how much you have come with your therapy and how much of a better person you have come from this. We all miss Grandpa and we all know that he wasn't the cause of you doing this. That was a tough lesson learned that you don't know what you have until it's gone. But from all of this you have rose up so much and I am SO proud of you! Keep up the great work honey!
XOXO- Chan
Tash you have my support always et forever.
Don't despair!
I will see him again.
So can you.
I know where he is, and I know how to get there.
Uncle Randy
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